


It Took Me By Surprise

by thebeasknees



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Evan Is Protective, Gaslighting, Horrible insights on mental illness, Implied Date, M/M, Mentioned/Referenced Self Harm, Miguel Is A Dick In This One, Past breakups, Past manipulation, Please take care of yourselves, The perspective of a manipulative person, past mental abuse, past relationship, read the tags, unhealthy past relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:29:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25870606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebeasknees/pseuds/thebeasknees
Summary: Miguel didn't know what he was expecting, really, when he went into A La' Mode.But he wasn't expecting this.(Or: Connor is happy without him. It hurts, even though he knows he doesn't have the right.)
Relationships: Connor Murphy/Evan Hansen, Miguel/Connor Murphy(past)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 93





	It Took Me By Surprise

**Author's Note:**

> READ!!THE!!TAGS!!

Miguel always tried to fix things.

It was a habit, really- fixing things. He fixes problems and finds solutions and everything is always supposed to have a happy ending, in his book. He's never not been able to fix something.

Until Miguel met Connor.

Connor was sharp, but soft, at the same time. Connor was everything at once or nothing at all, Connor was intense, he was a storm, and most of the time there was no calm.

Not when Miguel had known him.

Miguel knew Connor needed him. He did, in a way, and it made him feel powerful- in control, because Connor needed fixing.

Miguel could fix him.

At least that's what he thought. Connor doesn't even want help. When he showed Miguel those scars that one day and Miguel asked _why, why would you do this, what do you want, tell me what I can do, promise you wont do this anymore, promise me._

**_Stop for me._ **

That was the day after Miguel decided he wanted nothing to do with Connor. Connor responded with:

_I can't promise you that._

And did Connor even really love him, if he couldn't do just this one thing?

What other things could Connor not do for him?

Miguel broke up with him, around two days later. It was heart breaking, and Connor was crying, but Miguel felt better. A weight off his shoulders.

He didn't have to deal with Connor anymore.

The feeling of power left, sadly, but now Miguel could live his life without someone who constantly whined and cried about their life that wasn't even that hard.

Connor had everything.

He had no reason, to be like that.

Miguel got texts from him, for a few months. Random and spaced out. But one day the texts just..

_Stopped_. Disappeared. 

He wouldn't say that he wasn't a little bit disappointed, but whatever.

Connor was on his mind, lately. Miguel wants him back, in a way. There were good moments.

He decided to go to A La' Mode to get a scoop. The best ice cream place in the whole city.

Connor and him used to go there.

And that's when he saw it.

Connor. Bright, breathtaking, actually- laughing unconditionally with little snorts, every now and then. Some ice cream spilled out his nose. 

He looked so alive.

And _so_ bright. 

So, so bright.

Without Miguel.

Miguel had never, ever gotten Connor to smile like that. He'd never been able to fix Connor, but this person, this boy that was across from him laughing just as much as Connor could.

Somebody fixed Connor, and it wasn't Miguel.

That made him so angry, for some reason. Miguel was good, he was a good person, and he loved Connor through thick and thin but he wasn't enough? 

This boy, that probably didn't even know Connor, though, was?

_Bullshit_.

Connor hadn't been fixed.

There was no way.

"Connor." Miguel said, and he didn't even know why he said it. He saw the boy, blonde and short but still sturdy looking eyebrows narrow. 

Connor actually flinched at his voice.

Miguel's voice.

What was so scary about Miguel that Connor would _flinch_?

"Miguel," Connor says, and that smile, that unfamiliar bright smile disappeared as soon as he looked at him.

"I.." Miguel laughed. This was ridiculous. Actually ridiculous. "Who is this guy? Why haven't you messaged me back?"

The boy next to Connor tightens his grip on his shoulder and pulls him closer, almost protectively.

It was maddening.

This _wasn't_ fair. 

"This guy," Connor says, "Is my boyfriend, Evan-"

Miguel cuts him off. He's so angry. So, so angry, Miguel doesn't deserve this.

He doesn't.

Connor was his, once, and there was just no way that he got over it so easily. 

No way.

Connor _needed_ him. Depended on him.

"Can you tell me what I did wrong? Really? Be truthful, Connor. Tell me what I didn't do to help you. Why are you looking at me like I didn't _try_ to fix you-"

Evan cuts him off. God, that name is just so stupid.

_Evan_.

"C-Connor didn't need to be fixed," He says, and he looks Miguel dead in the eyes as he says it. His voice is soft, but it almost demands Miguel's attention. "He needed to be helped."

Miguel doesn't know what to say, to that.

He blinks.

But he did, he did help Connor, he did help, he did help, he's a good person, he helped Connor.

He tried to fix Connor.

And that's the same thing, isn't it?

_Isn't it?_


End file.
